10-Point Guide for talking to friends and family about sustainability

There are few things more enjoyable than sitting in a cosy bar surrounded by trusted friends, engaging in discussion that ventures into more consequential issues that stimulate individuals to express the core principles and beliefs that fuel them and give meaning to their life. Yet when it comes to issues of sustainability and the environment, it can feel tricky to navigate without coming across as judgmental, moralising, and at risk of damaging important relationships.

For those working or studying in the sustainability or environmental sector, a daily immersion into new research, articles, books, podcasts, and social media accounts is a constant reminder of the challenges we face and the urgent need for quicker action to fend off global catastrophe. But for the climate movement to progress as it needs to, we must escape this echo chamber and acknowledge that not everyone does or should have equal time or resource to dedicate to the subject.

I’ve had plenty of these conversations with friends and family and made plenty of mistakes along the way. They can sometimes be frustrating or disheartening, but by engaging friends and family on these topics we help to welcome more people on to the journey to a more sustainable future. Below are some ideas from my own experiences for talking to loved ones, without losing them.

1. Listen.
   This doesn’t just mean being silent, it means practicing active listening - a dying art in the modern world of unremitting interruptions and notifications. Try to understand where their view comes from and don’t excessively interrupt, you’re not a GB News host interviewing some pesky lefty-lawyer.

2. Don’t try to convert them.
“Hello… my name is Elder Thunberg…” Remember, you are not a representative of the Mormon Church. Avoid using overtly preachy language and don’t make them feel like they are receiving an unwarranted sustainability sermon attempting to convert them to ‘your side’.

3. Overcoming imposter syndrome.
I’m lucky to have a selection of friends who are incredibly passionate, hard-working, and knowledgeable in their fields, yet almost all of them have experienced this feeling of being unqualified to provide authority on their subject. You might not always believe it, but you have a lot of expertise to share, and people are genuinely looking to you as a trusted voice.

4. Tread carefully around veganism/vegetarianism.
This can be quite an emotive topic, so tread carefully. Diet plays a huge part in our culture, representing where and how we grew up, and food is often closely linked to memories of family, childhood, and special places we have visited. Agricultural practices have changed immensely in recent decades, and knowledge of the extent to which industrial farming and meat-heavy diets contribute to the climate and biodiversity crisis was not always so widespread. It is important to bear this in mind when having conversations with parents or grandparents, who raised children in a very different world to today.

5. Remember they want to help the planet, not destroy it.
It sounds obvious but don’t forget they are on your side. No one wants to see the world burn and the natural world disappear, but protecting it requires drastic changes to the way of life we are accustomed to, and these are not easy transitions.

6. Make it relevant.
Too often the climate and biodiversity crisis are viewed in isolation, making it appear an insurmountable, existential problem that doesn’t connect to everyday life. In reality, whether it’s a skiing holiday in the Alps, the avocado on your toast, or like me, it’s being able to sit back and succumb to the joy of a day at the cricket, our life choices are all going to be impacted to some extent. Using examples such as these can help break down the broader climate issue to something comprehensible on an individual level.

7. Be prepared for counterarguments, potentially nonsensical ones.
The classic ‘gotcha’. People may try to undermine your stance by pointing out apparent hypocrisy, such as your use of a car, or flying. Aside from not actually offering any alternative solutions, this argument is a potentially damaging weapon against the climate movement. If people are being vilified for being ‘imperfect’, why bother even trying to make changes? We are fully aware that we cannot stop using all fossil fuels, fishing the seas or suddenly relinquish acres of land back to nature overnight. Our deeply entrenched capitalist system makes it near impossible to be perfect, we must encourage those trying.

8. Don’t overdo it at Christmas time.
A fairly simple one. Rarely seen relatives, an excess of alcohol, and a soundtrack of crap music to accompany it all are not a good mix for measured debate. Bah humbug.

9. Laugh about it.
Perhaps it’s the British self-deprecating humour coming out, but I find that despite the crippling seriousness of the topic, being able to laugh and joke about the crisis can be helpful. It is after all a fairly absurd situation we are in, subsidising the industries that hasten our demise, reward the wealthy, prosecute the peaceful protesters – it does often feel like a joke. This doesn’t mean demeaning or devaluing the climate movement or the causes themselves, but don't always take yourself or the subject too seriously, and it will help you come across far less preachy.

10. Reflect on the conversation afterwards.
Finally, try to feel good about having had the conversation afterwards. Reflect on what was discussed, how you felt, and most importantly know that whatever they may change or not change, they are a bit more informed than before, and from a source they trust.